Let me stop you right there!!!

If you see a sign that says BIG DICK?S NIGHT CLUB, and right underneath it says

?Come down and get a piece of the action!?

Relax!

Nobody is trying to seduce you.

Put the confidence back in the trunk.

That action is sports.

They know exactly who they are talking to.

They know your ex-wife did not take the couch when she left.

Did not take the dishes.

Did not take the sentimental bullshit.

She took the good television though!

Left you with that fourteen-inch black-and-white bastard that only works if you smack it on the side and hold the antenna like you are defusing a bomb while whispering, ?Come on, you piece of shit, just this once.?

So Big Dick?s is basically saying,

Buddy, come down here and watch the game like a goddamn adult again.

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Bring the boys.

Park your ass.

Drink beer.

No one screaming about crumbs on the floor.

No one asking you to hang the fuckin shelf right now because she remembered it during the second quarter.

No chores.

No lists.

No sighs that feel like emotional tax audits.

Just you, the game and a cold one that stays cold.

And here is where it really shines.

You do not ask for another beer.

You do not wave.

You do not make eye contact.

You do not speak.

Your glass hits empty, and somehow a fresh one just appears.

?Let us get you another one!?

That is not service.

That is fuckin care.

They have prize draws all night long too, which means somebody is leaving with a shirt two sizes too small and a story they will swear never happened.

This is not a nightclub.

This is male witness protection.

Big Dick?s Night Club.

Where the only thing expected of you is sitting down and watching the game.

??????????????...and that's callin' it like it is!

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Canadian artist & digital troublemaker Colin John Cook shares his louder-than-life, awkward, and honest-as-hell stories. Packed with humour, real talk & creative insights in a no filter, digital comedy space that laughs at life & calls it like it is. He is also the Founder and President of

The Hidden Gallery - Art Studio & Micro Theatre

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