Alright. Listen up.

I am thinking about starting my own clothing store and calling it ?CRYBABY CLOTHING?

Does your woman have you dressed like a goddamn clown in a low-budget circus every time you go out?

Tight pants that scream community theatre.

A shirt so colourful it looks like it lost a fight with a paint store.

Shoes that sa,y ?I didn?t choose this life. This life chose me.?

She?s standing there squinting at you like a stylist on Project Runway.

?No. Not those pants.?

?Those don?t match my dress.?

?Try these.?

?Turn around.?

?Lift your arm.?

?Oh my god, you look cute.?

Cute.

Cute is what you say to a puppy.

Not a grown man with bills, back pain, and a pecker.

Next thing you know, you?re walking out the door looking like you make love to small animals, and you don?t even remember when your opinion stopped mattering.

You catch your reflection in a store window and think,

?Who the hell is this clown, and where did my dignity go.?

Well, congratulations, champ. We?ve got you covered.

We carry a large line of clothes to suit your unfortunate situation.

Every costume imaginable.

Midlife crisis magician.

Confused yoga pirate.

Wedding guest who clearly lost a bet.

Shoes to match.

Discount rates for repeat offenders.

Hair extensions for that mysterious bad boy look you never earned.

Padded underwear to give you the appearance of being a man again.

Because everyone knows when you?re dressing yourself.

And everyone definitely knows when you?re not.

If people look at your outfit and ask,

?Are you okay??

You may be suffering from CRYBABY CLOTHING.

They?re not just clothes.

They?re an attitude.

And that attitude says,

?I dress myself. And I?m done apologizing.?

?????????????...and that's callin' it like it is!

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Canadian artist & digital troublemaker Colin John Cook shares his louder-than-life, awkward, and honest-as-hell stories. Packed with humour, real talk & creative insights in a no filter, digital comedy space that laughs at life & calls it like it is. He is also the Founder and President of

The Hidden Gallery - Art Studio & Micro Theatre