I had a Rottweiler once the size of a small workhorse.

Chest like a beer fridge.

Head like a cinder block.

I had to chain him to the house because the bastard kept dragging the doorstep around like he owned the whole neighbourhood.

He hated other male dogs.

Hated them with a passion!

When one showed up, he went full ballistic.

I swear to Christ I saw the house move when he hit the end of that chain.

Tongue hanging out.

Every tooth is showing.

Eyes red like brake lights.

If he ever got loose, somebody was going to need some counselling.

Every day, this old man walked his dog past my house.

Slow.

Real slow!

Now his dog was a mystery breed.

Looked like it was assembled from leftovers.

The old guy knew exactly what he was doing.

He knew my dog hated male dogs.

He knew what would happen if that chain ever snapped.

And he still did it.

That is not ignorance.

That is fuckin around.

Then one day, he crosses the ditch, walks right into my yard, and lets his dog piss on my rose bush.

Wrong move.

At this point, my Rottweiler is on smash level three.

Chain tight.

Eyes locked.

Pure rage.

I am standing at the window when I hear it.

TWANG!!!!!!

????

Chain snaps like a guitar string from hell.

That dog launches.

The old guy cleared the ditch so fast his dog's feet did not touch the ground again for about three hundred feet.

His little dog went airborne.

Leash tight.

Lift off.

One second, he is peeing on roses.

Next second, he is flying.

By the time I got outside, my dog already had the old guy on his ass

and was putting a full shit kicking on the mutt.

The old guy starts screaming in my face.

Bad move.

Because I was standing in the window watching the whole goddamn thing.

Funny thing is, I never saw them walk past my house again.

You might see them on your street now!

Dog is missing fur.

Tail broken.

Leg limping.

One eye looking a little puffy.

Guess they both learned a lesson.

Do not get too cocky.

And never cock your leg on someone else?s bush.

??????????????...and that's callin' it like it is!

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Canadian artist & digital troublemaker Colin John Cook shares his louder-than-life, awkward, and honest-as-hell stories. Packed with humour, real talk & creative insights in a no filter, digital comedy space that laughs at life & calls it like it is. He is also the Founder and President of

The Hidden Gallery - Art Studio & Micro Theatre

??