Callin' It Like It Is - ZIPPER’S DOWN!

You ever notice the second someone says, ?Hey bud, your zipper?s down!? the whole damn room turns into a bunch of horny detectives?

Every head whips around faster than a drunk uncle spotting a free beer.

Even Grandma?s peekin?, actin? like she dropped her knitting needle.

And don?t lie, you fuckin? looked too.

You didn?t even wanna, but your eyeballs said, ?We?re goin? on an adventure, boys!?

What the hell were you expectin? to see?!

Fireworks?

A goddamn puppet show?

It?s not like it?s gonna jump out yellin?, ?Ta-daaa!? and start singin? show tunes.

You?ve seen one before - hell, you own one - and it?s never done shit that exciting.

But nope, our dumbasses can?t resist.

Someone says, ?Don?t look,? and instantly every caveman instinct wakes up like, ?Oh yeah, we lookin?, bud.?

We?re wired for stupidity - like toddlers with credit cards.

You tell us not to do something, and boom - that?s our new life mission.

Try this next time you?re in a crowd: just yell,

?HEY, YOUR ZIPPER?S DOWN!?

Then sit back and enjoy the circus.

Men, women, priests, nuns, the dude eatin? nachos ? every single one of ?em does the quick ?zip check.?

Half of ?em don?t even know who you?re talkin? to; they?re just makin? sure their junk ain?t on display.

It?s the same reflex as ?Who farted?? or ?Someone dropped food.?

We can?t not check.

We?re curious idiots terrified of missin? out on somethin? we?ll regret seein?.

It?s like when Mom said, ?Don?t touch that, it?s hot!?

And two seconds later you?re thinkin?, ?Yeah, but how hot??

Then you touch it, scream, and still don?t fuckin? learn.

Face it - we?re not smart animals.

?????????????...and that's callin' it like it is!